Story 28. Written by Jim Waitlord

I’ve come to realize that the best method to maintain your health is, surprisingly, poverty. Take me, for example—I’m so broke right now that starting tomorrow, I’ll quit drinking and smoking. Why? Because I can’t afford to buy anything to drink or smoke. But don’t think I’m the type to beg. I’ve got my pride, and that counts for something.

Poverty has other health benefits too. Take sugar, for instance. My blood sugar levels are perfect because I can’t even afford food, let alone sweets. In fact, skipping meals isn’t just a survival tactic; it’s basically a form of intermittent fasting, which is super trendy these days. Think about it—when humans first evolved, there were always days without food. Our bodies are designed for it. So, in a way, I’m just sticking to what nature intended.

But here’s the twist: I’ve got an idea that could change everything. If it works, I’ll never have to go hungry again—but I still might, just for the health benefits, you know?

Here’s my big idea: shoes. Not just regular shoes, but revolutionary, multi functional shoes. Imagine this—a shoe with a rechargeable battery powered by your own movement. These shoes would have built-in climate control: heating in the winter, cooling in the summer. It’s like when people put little jackets on dogs in winter. It might look cute, but it’s useless because the heat escapes through their paws. That’s where my shoes come in. They’d keep you warm or cool from the ground up.

Plus, the shoes would have protective features. They’d prevent ankle sprains and shield you from dangers like black mamba bites or ticks in hostile environments. And let’s not stop there. What if the shoes were packed with sensors—temperature, motion, humidity—you name it? These sensors could send real-time data to the internet, contributing to global climate research, weather forecasting, and even disaster prevention. Talk about making the world a better place one step at a time.

Speaking of dogs, this idea has layers. What if we applied the same logic to dogs? Feed them dry bread soaked in dishwater. Simple, cheap, and effective. And if a dog gets sick? Well, we’d just put it to sleep. That way, we’d eliminate global hunger and revolutionize healthcare. Think about it—a world where no one suffers, and every disease is curable. A true health revolution.

But then it hit me—what if dogs fight back? What if they’re secretly plotting revenge for all the bread-and-dishwater meals and the quick trips to the vet? We’d need a plan.

The solution? Self-defense mechanisms in the shoes, of course. They’d protect against dogs, humans, and even other animals. Optional add-ons could include retractable tank treads for tough terrain, snowshoe attachments, and fireproof soles. For a little extra, you could get air cushions that let you walk on water—just like Jesus.

So there it is. My invention could transform lives, from the poorest to the wealthiest. And if it doesn’t, well, at least poverty will keep us all healthy.

The Best Way to Stay Healthy: Poverty